2. Process Pain
The second step is to process pain when you go through the breakup / divorce.
It means to recognize the pain, be honest with it, feel it, instead of denying, resisting or avoiding it.
Studies show that breakup is often the second most traumatic experience just after the death of a loved one.
Pain is inevitable when a long-term relationship breaks down, even if it is your own decision.
Just because you initiate it, it doesn't mean that you won't feel deep sadness when you go through it.
You need time and space to grieve, to cry and to heal, as much as your partner does.
Pain took me by surprise when I left and I could hardly make sense of it.
I didn't know that I even had the right to feel pain because I caused it.
But it was excruciating and ravaging my body. I had no idea how to handle it.
So I tried all ways to avoid it. Going back to him, travelling, shopping, working extra hours, dating …
The truth is that avoidance causes pain to fester.
The more you avoid it the more you have to avoid it. It won't aid your recovery.
You have to go through the pain in order to heal.